At 10:15 AM EST we set off and truly began our grand adventure. Wolfgang, Satan, Blue, and myself stood in a Doctor’s office parking lot across the street from Satan’s old apartment making a few last minute adjustments. Chami had come to join us, and as the time to leave drew near she said her goodbyes to each of us. I could see the tears welling in her eyes as she hugged me, and kissed me. I fought the urge to break down, but wanted to join her in the wallowing. I expressed my love for her, and she to me. Twas a bittersweet moment, but I knew the journey that lay before me so I pulled myself together.
Wolfgang and Satan climbed into the cab of the moving truck, and would be towing behind them Satan’s SUV. I joined Blue in her car, having been told I had DJ duties since I would not be driving. And soon enough, we were moving. Upon Blue’s request we first listened to the album God Shuffled His Feet by The Crash Test Dummies, as we drove through the icey-rain cloaking Roanoke. The grey skies made it seem as though the city was crying; another bittersweet farewell, it seems.
By 10:36 AM we had left the Roanoke Valley, and were winding our way up the mountain towards Christiansburg. I had a familiar feeling and thought as we drove through the mountain pass in Ironto, VA. On overcast days, especially with low hanging clouds, the mountains there have always reminded me of Jurassic Park when they first arrive at the park. This may have been the last time I would get that feeling, so I basked silently for a moment.
Another finale of sorts occurred as we drove through Christiansburg, and we passed the large building where Wolfgang and I first met as coworkers. I sent him a text filled with childish glee at the inappropriate gesture I flashed the building as we passed. “I just gave [them] the finger!”
“Hahahaha! Me too!,” was Wolfgang’s reply.
We continued driving Southwest through Virginia, and the second CD change occurred. My second selection was Angel Dust by Faith No More. I was still familiar with the surroundings, so there were few musings through this stretch of road. We did find the truck full of Oxygen tanks amusing, Wolfgang again texted me, inquiring if I had seen the bomb truck. Also, somewhere around here, Satan and Wolfgang had seen an overpass that had several horses, plus an additional horse drawn carriage on it.
We made our first gas stop at an affectionately named Truck Stop chain near Wytheville, VA. Nothing remarkable here, other than the cashier Sharon be quite chatty with Blue and I. A man in the store greeted her as Lois. The inquisitive look on my face must have trigger something within the woman, as she began to explain how she and the regular customer always call one another by the wrong name. She then followed with close to 10 more small stories during my two minute transaction.
We hit the road again, and I finally had something in my stomach. At this point I guess I could say that my breakfast had been a cup of coffee, a doubleshot coffee flavored energy drink, four iburprofen, and a chesse Danish.
Eventually we passed through the town of Rural Retreat, and memories of WhiskeyFists and CiCi hit me. Almost three years ago they took me to a Stone Temple Pilots concert for my 25th birthday, and we had stopped at a store there. It hit me, yet again, that I never got a proper chance to say goodbye to either of them, tell them how much I love them. So, I reached for my phone. Low and behold, there is a text from WhiskeyFists! I read it, it warmed my heart, nearly brought me to tears, and I responded.
A third CD change was in order, so I selected Led Zeppelin II. We drove through the last bits of VA listening to this beautiful album, and peering as best we could through the windshield. Salt from the road was being thrown onto Blue’s car with ferocity by our own moving truck ahead of us. Earlier she had had no windshield washer fluid at all. We fixed that at the gas stop, but it turned out the spray didn’t work correctly on one side of her car. So the passenger side of the windshield became caked in layer upon layer of road salt, while the driver side luckily remained clear.
I continued to receive messages from people, all of them wonderful. Honestly, I don’t believe I have ever felt so loved. Chami, WhiskeyFists, Shout, Runkle and his girlfriend Dorian, Doodle… and countless others. Seriously, everyone! I love you all, thank you!
Close to Bristol, as we were nearing the edge of the state, I saw something beautiful on the side of the road that I wanted to be sure to remember. There was a large billboard, not the standard one’s though. This seemed more homemade. It was hand painted, and was done so in a near medieval art style. There was an image of the Virgin Mary, and below the image in large letters it simply said, “Let It Be.” This was beautiful, and had Satan’s CD book contained Beatles, I would have made the switch. He did have Lennon’s Imagine, but instead for the fourth CD I elected for Nine Inch Nails’ Fragile.
We arrived in Tennessee. It was 1:07 PM. Most of Tennessee was an effortless, and uneventful drive, however some things stood out. Little moments, or things we passed that struck a chord of hilarity. For instance, early on was Wild Wilma’s Fireworks, where they advertised their “Clean Restrooms.” Somewhere around this time the CD changed again, this time to Incubus Make Yourself.
At 2:25 PM we made the change from I81 to I40. I noticed a sign for the “Forbidden Caves,” and wondered to myself how forbidden they could possibly be if they are advertised along the highway.
Around 3:00 we stopped for lunch, again at the affectionate truck stop, and ate $5 M-T-O subs. We all came to the conclusion that Tennessee, or at least this place in it, smelled a lot like horse shit. After lunch we made a few seating swaps, and hit the road again.
Satan joined Blue in the car, allowing the couple some time together on the journey. I joined Wolfgang in the cab of the truck, and again was given the duty of DJ. I selected first here, Tool’s Lateralus.
I saw a sign that stuck out in my mind for a Drugstore. It was called Kharm, or Dharm Drugstore, can’t remember exactly which. But there was a picture of a quite hardened man holding a young child. The caption read, “Because you’ve shopped with us, I have gotten over my addictions.”
Wolfgang and I learned that potholes are incredibly easy to find when you’re driving a 4 ton vehicle towing a 2 ton vehicle. This became even more apparent in Knoxville, somewhere around the awesome looking abandoned warehouses. Also in Knoxville, I saw the Side Splitter’s Comedy Club. The marquee out front read, “There’s nothing funny about how empty our parking lot is…” And then we saw The Katch Club: Wolfganglost it, just laughed himself silly for a few minutes.
Notice somewhere around the Chatanooga/Nashville split in the interstate, that Tennessee left their fiber optics sticking out of the ground. Strange seeing large wire protrude from the Earth like that. There was a company called Best Roofs, and next to their building was a decaying and holey old barn, so they apparently couldn’t help their own neighbor’s roof. Near Roane, TN I saw a quite racist sign for the African Burial Ground, that made me a bit uncomfortable. Soon thereafter was a Tennessee state flag, hanging above a Confederate Flag—and not the confederate flag you see all over VA, because apparently that’s not the real one, no it was the “official” flag of the confederacy. At that moment, I remembered one of the reasons I wanted out of the “South.”
The music changed, this time I selected System of a Down’s Mesmerize/Hypnotize. We drove by several small town with neighborhoods, and little main-street stretches, but all laid out of one lane dirt roads. I find it hard to believe places like that still exist in 2014, but there they were. There was also a sign out in the middle of the woods at one point that read simply: “Trees.” In case we didn’t know what we’d been staring at for the last few hours while driving, now we knew what they miraculous plants were called.
How most of my day looked today.
As we entered Crossville, TN, I wondered how many crosses we’d see. The answer was not expected: 2. Both on the same church too. Surprising, given the four other churches and its prime real estate spot in the Bible Belt. I learned the people of Crossville must be color blind, because their Red Roof Inn, clearly had a Blue one. It was about this time we entered the central time zone, and lived the 4 o’clock hour for a second time.
We drove over the mountain, power-housing and making great time. We reached the crest and began the descent, only the immediately be hit with a downpour. I put on Queens of the Stone Age’s Era Vulgaris. The rain continued, and continued. Then started to turn to snow. We stopped for gas again. Wolfgang and myself became quite frustrated with an overweight red-head man who decided to chat instead of move out of our truck’s way.
We hit the road again, it was now night and snowing. Radiohead’s OK Computer playing through the little portable speaker Satan had brought for the trip. We reach Nashville, TN. It is a bit treacherous navigating through the city to Satan’s family’s home, but we make it. They cook us an amazing meal, offer us wine, gelato, and eventually coffee… and then we all wind down to prepare for tomorrow’s journey.
The Relocation Chronicles 